Rasslin’ Reviews – TNA Final Resolution 2012

This might haunt your nightmares for a while.

This might haunt your nightmares for a while.

2012 was a rather interesting year for TNA.  The introduction to a biker gang stable, the rebirth of a fallen hero after a lengthy battle with substance abuse, and taking a chance on a guy who worked his ass of in the independents and put the world championship on him along with a bunch of other “new” material presented to wrestling fans.

One would figure that you would want to end the year on a high note.  Did TNA close 2012 with a bang?  Let’s find out with the review of Final Resolution!


-Not sure if anybody told “Cowboy” James Storm that homosexual jokes are one of the lamest ways of getting a pop.

-Storm’s BEER HUNTER t-shirt looks like something you would find at your local farm supply store…I found a shirt that said SHOOTIN’ DEER & DRINKIN’ BEER at the one near me.

-Bobby Roode (or as Jeremy Borash calls him – Bob-bay Rooo) kind of looks like an angry Seth Rogen.

-I’m convinced that the majority of shots of ring announcer Christy Hemme must pan up from her legs…the borderline upskirt shot may make the viewer feel kind of pervy.

-Apparently whomever did the name cards on screen can’t spell…they spelled Rob Van Dam’s Twitter handle with the initials RDV.

-Despite he is getting up there in age, RVD can still put on a solid match.

-They cut away from RVD bringing Kenny King back in the ring to show good sportsmanship…killed a potentially touching moment.

-Joey Ryan looks like a weird mix of John Morrison and Val Venis…ironically, he uses Val Venis/Sean Morely’s TNA theme…and his gimmick.

-It took them about ten minutes into the match to make their first obligatory reference that Chavo is a member of the Guerrero family.

-Speaking of Guerrero references, they kept it to the bare minimum…as opposed to the umpteen million times Tenay and Taz will reference it during any other Chavo match.

-Hey Austin Aries, CM Punk called, he wants his Best In The World schtick back.

-I haven’t watched TNA television in a while, but they’re doing a romance angle with Brooke Hogan…gotta earn that paycheck somehow I guess.

-Aries mimicks Hogan’s mannerisms and moves, and Bully Ray does Ultimate Warrior’s gorilla press slam and running splash.

-Mike Tenay calls Bully Ray’s special move by it’s original term, the Buh-Buh/Bubba Cutter.

-Bully Ray totally bladed with that straight red line across his forehead.

-Brooke Hogan comes out…and barely got dressed to check on Bully Ray.

-Brooke either pops out of her top, or her Baby Gap sized top that was tucked in got pulled up…I have no desire to eat dessert…or any meal for the next week.

-Hulk Hogan shows up…surprised he didn’t come out like 29703086495648975890 times before.

-Aries wins via low blow and roll up.  Saw that finish during the CM Punk/Ryback match at Hell in a Cell…only the ref hit the opponent in the nuts.

-Backstage with Tara and her boyfriend…who’s apparently from Big Brother…I had no idea that show was still relevant.

-Mickie James comes out dressed like she’s ready to hit the farm…or meet the Canadian Prime Minister with Justin Bieber.

-Apparently Tara’s boyfriend, Jessie Godderz (or Mr. Pec-Tacular), is being hyped as this BIG celebrity.  If he’s so famous, why haven’t I heard of him before this nonsense storyline?

-Tara and Jessie’s relationship legit looks like a really bad MILF/cougar porn.

-Oh hey, it’s two women who used to work for WWE wrestling for the Knockout’s title.

-For some reason, Jessie takes off his shirt for absolutely no reason.  Does he have a clause in his contract similar to Taylor Lautner for Twilight?

-Bobby Roode manages to say “bullshit” on camera.  No tape delay or attempt at being edgy?

-Aces & Eights’ theme kind of sounds like an unplugged, jug band cover of Bret Hart’s theme.

-As&8s vs. Angle/Samoa Joe/Wes Brisco/Garrett Bischoff seemed like a bit of a clusterfuck…kind of lost interest.

-The person doing the backstage camera work must not be using a tripod, or they’re huge fans of the camera work from Arrested Development.

-AJ Styles vs. Christopher Daniels was a solid match.  My pick for match of the night.  Great chemistry between these two.

-Daniels using Styles’ own finisher against him to get the win was an added touch to make him look more like a bad ass.

-Jeff Hardy gets a rather lengthy video package.  Heard his contract is up soon, and TNA REALLY wants to keep him around because he’s probably their biggest draw.

-Jeff Hardy comes out wearing a helmet that makes him look like a Power Rangers villain.

-Hardy’s face paint coincides with Christmas colors.

-Jeremy Borash manages to get the names of Roode and Hardy right…almost.

-The show was an okay show, nothing too spectacular.  Match of the night was definitely Styles/Daniels.

Thanks for reading another one of my wrestling-related articles.  I’ll try to come up with a holiday themed article for the holidays.  But for now, Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, Happy Hanukkah, Happy Whatever Doesn’t Offend You.

-Jon/xHipsterPanda

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