She called you out James!

Lookin’ at the ladies.

Damn right she did, but didn’t that remark have a touch of that awkward moment last year when Mr Caffeine was making dick jokes?

Hey now…

Oh hello there!

“You feel the jungle around you”
Among other things…

This is one of those few trailers that managed to get my undivided attention.

Okay, split screening showing gameplay and guy playing.

Well I’m interested.

Saved a lady from a potential death.

Sniping enemies from afar with arrow. Now switched to machinegun.

Guy taunted by f-bomb.

and fire.

Entire compound is on his ass. And attack Tigers! Daaamn.

They sure love dropping that f-bomb.

And G4 is showing this on TV I think. I’m watching their stream.

People with guns to their heads and television monitors? Looks like they’re trying to take after Persona now.

Well that was fucking insane.

Oh dear this guy.

“Entire archipelagos to discover. And that’s just single player.”

I think this chick is far worse than that guy…

Yeah, now I agree.

Now I really miss Mr. Caffeine.

Ah, so something different from the Microsoft presser.

Is that CG or FMV?

I mean Live Action?

Pretty sure it’s CG

If so, impressive.

“Girl wood”
there’s your dick joke, right there.

This fucking host

Alrighty, something involving Marvel… wait a second.

So Marvel dropped SEGA and is teaming with Ubi?

They were doing an Avergers game with SEGA?

The Avengers: Battle For Earth.

Nah, I think their last game was Thor and then they switched off.

Some Wii U stuff.

Some Rayman Legends stuff.

I hope that tablet can resist fingerprints if we have to play using our bare hands…

Oh yeah, the Pro Controller for Wii U takes after the XBox 360 controller.

I hope it’s less bulky, the 360 controller always felt a little unnatural.

So one plays as Rayman with a regular controller and the other plays as the fairy thing with the tablet.

Up to five players for Rayman Legends.

Oh damn, I like the different content between both screens

That music!

Ah, the music goes with the action.

Shit, I’m having a rough enough time organizing four people for Rayman Legends, it’s going to be a nightmare trying to round up a group of 5. The music was awesome.

This fucking lady…

Is this the game from the Nintendo pre-E3 conference?

I’m wondering that too.

That looks painful, but this feels too much like the Dead Island trailer.

Was just about to say Dead Island.

Kinda tongue-in-cheek the music is, ain’t it.

…. Zombi U? Really?!

Zombi U… let the U-ifying begin…

Aside from the title, the game looks quite interesting. And god damn these two are so disorienting.

I do wanna see more from this game.

And now a sizzle reel.

Rabbids, Your Shape Fitness, Sports Collection…

Was that a knockoff Mario Kart I just saw?

Just Dance 4,

And hey, Assassins Creed III for Wii U.

Eagle: The hell is going on!?

Connor in the middle of a cross-fire.

Reminds me of that time I was watching The Patriot not too long ago… what this game needs is Mel Gibson.

And taking out some redcoats.

Gonna see lots of British gamers hating this trailer.

Washington: thinking “The shit I could do with this guy!”

Hey, they get assassinated here and get to deal with a Zombi invasion — I think Ubisoft is going for killing the British this year.

They are French. Makes sense.

Red Dead Redemption!

Connor hunting for food.

Oh shit, Wolf ain’t having his shit.

Now entering a camp.

I love how these guys have firearms, and just stand on the side without shooting….

Now entering a British camp.

Popping some gunpowder.

End of demo.

Now another trailer for the game.

Nope, back to the douche.

And this guy… again.

Uh, he killed nothing but Red Coats. Not helping his cause.

Or answering him for that matter.

Are YOU feelin’ it?

Whaaaat theee heellll.

What a pair of assholes.

This guy… This lady….

“My brain is working too fast.”
Are you? I beg to differ.

“Get smoked by a giant black girl”
Quote of the conference ladies and gentlemen.

Okay, some Shootmania, targeted for the eSports audience.

I knew I could count on Ubisoft for the awkward moments.

Two teams of pro-players, boys v girls.

Who am I supposed to root for when they’re all equally uncharismatic?

reminds me of Tribes.

Awesome way to spawn though.

Not a lot of cheers for the girls.

At least the game looks fun.

Yep.

The guys win.

I think I’ll refrain from making the obligatory sexist joke.

I think Ubi did it for you. Look at the the girls are wearing compared to the guys.

Sizzle reel.

Trials evolution.

The Settlers Online.

Ghost Recon Online.
Free-to-play.

I see Beyond Good & Evil HD, but where’s 2?!

Yeah mang!

Ubi CEO Yves Guillemot on stage.

New IP?

I think I remember that blackout O_O

I remember that event.

We thought our mom caused when she turned on her fossil called an Air Conditioner.

Lots of Big Brother complexes in this trailer.

Pretty creepy if you ask me.

So… what’s the game about?

I’m curious too.

What!?

Uh oh, this better not be another Laser Tag kind of thing.

So the game is called ctOS?

Connecticut Operating System?

hahaahaahaha, good one!

Looks like another FPS.

Looks like another GTA.

I stand corrected.

Knocked out everyone’s electronics to sneak in.

Deus Ex + GTA?

I saw “Hack” appear over a ladies head.

Interesting conversation so far.

Controlling traffic lights like that is pretty crazy.

I’m really liking the setup so far.

And he finds DiMarco.

So more than one person can see everything.

Holy shit, that game looks great.

And I think the audience agrees.

Agreed!
Watch_Dogs is the name.

Aww this lady again!

And this guy!

Best game of E3 so far.

Do that shit!

And that the end of it.

So final thoughts before we sign off here?

Yup, shall we add in our concluding thoughts?

You first, I gotta take a leak.

Haha.
Okay. This is the first Ubisoft conference I watch. But I was well aware of some of the dumb stuff they do sometimes. But I must say they showed off some good games.

Farcry 3, Assassin’s Creed III, Rayman Legends and a bit more of the Wii U.

And Watch_Dogs. Really liking that Orwellian setup of seeing everything and hacking into electronics (sans the Cole lightning).

The conference could’ve used a lot less of that lady and Tobuscus. It’s like whatever hype you got from a game they showed was sucked right the hell back when these two showed up.

So a B+ for games shown
D for presentation.
Your turn James.

The presentation was atrocious. They started out strong, but once the people began speaking it all went downhill. Mr Caffeine last year was awkward, but at least had a strange charm to him. This pair was awkward and annoying. They were, however smart enough to start and finish on strong notes. Hot girls, dancing and getting Just Dance 4 out of the way, and concluding on Watch_Dogs. That’s how a good show’s done.

I’m no Assassins Creed fan and I’m not interested in a lot of the games they showed, however the appealing ones were given the most attention, with the sizzle moments reserved for some of their more niche products.

Mmhm.
And that’s it?

Because I count the overall presentation over two douchy hosts, I’m going to be a little more lenient on the grading though, B+ for games even though I’m butthurt that there’s no Beyond Good and Evil 2 shown and a B for overall presentation.

So it’s a solid B range from both of us.