Author Archives: Hachi76

About Hachi76

Well, I'm a leo. I like long walks on the beach and severely damaging people's faith in a caring, just God. I am both nerdier and cooler than you, and the sooner you accept this, the sooner we can move on. My areas of expertise are Video Games, Anime and Kung Fu Films, with minors in Manga, Film and Music circa the 60's to the 80's

Resident Evil 6 Announced, Hachi Resolves to Get His Evil From Foreign Distributors

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Behold, the horrors of Resident Evil h!...I mean 6!

Source: IGN

Earlier this week, news broke about a teaser site that, in all likelihood, was to build interest for the new Resident Evil game. And lo and behold, here we are, a new one announced and on the horizon.

From what little was gleaned from the site, the game is set ten years after the Raccon City incident. Seeing that people are getting a little too loose with the bioweapons again, The President of the United States (also known as the man who gave us that BITCH Ashley) has decided that revealing the horrors that occurred in that fateful affair might help to curb the resurging bioterrorist tendencies of the world around them, and he calls his old pal (and RE2 and RE4 protagonist) Leon S. Kennedy to be with him when he makes the announcement. This being a “not terribly pleasant” game, something goes wrong, the president is “transformed beyond recognition” and shit goes down.

Of course, all of that could have been avoided with the RIGHT man in office. Mechs trump bioterror any day...

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Gamer Review: Shinobi (PS2)

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Hotsuma is going to show the moon what happens when planetary bodies get mouthy him...

Games are meant to fulfill a variety of “enjoyment types”, so to speak. Some of them are meant to evoke strong feelings of relation to the characters that populate its world, like JRPGs. Others are meant to simply pull feelings of joy and happiness from you (*coughKatamariDamacycough*). And still others are meant to inspire a mad devotion to learning the intricacies of a complex, involved system of gameplay styles.

There are literally dozens of others I can think of right now, but the subject of this review caters to one very specific aspect of the gamer psyche: the thirst for a challenge. Any game worth its salt is going to involve a modicum of difficulty in its structure. Be they through difficult puzzles, tough enemies, difficult bosses or even a world that requires more thought than just “You are here. Go over there”, games present us with obstacles to overcome to add that necessary sense of satisfaction.

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Anime Theater: ShootFighter Tekken

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Oh! It's a Super Saiyan Ghetto-Retard!

I want you to remember a time that you watched a really funny internet video. You saw it, and you said to yourself “Wow, this is hilarious! I have to show my friends!”. And so you posted it on your facebook, or showed it at a group hangout. Sure, it was stupid and devoid of any real meaning, but everyone laughed and had a good time, and it was quickly forgotten. If the mood strikes you, a long time later on you might still reference said video with a knowing wink and a smile, and a few people will chuckle and move on with their lives. And you will too.

This is kind of what Shootfighter Tekken is in a nutshell. A three episode OVA utterly devoid of any real intellectual or emotional depth, but still a ton of fun to watch while it lasts. Is it one of the greats, destined to stand with the great artworks of anime? No. But I deny you to not have a blast while watching this gaudy, ridiculous, and awesome little gem.

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List76: Hachi’s Top 24 Kung Fu Fights

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If you are like me, then this is one of the most wonderful sights in the world...

It may have come to your attention by now, but I like Kung Fu movies. As a matter of fact, I love them. I love all the cheesy, epic, glourious, laughable, jaw dropping, awe inspiring, heartwarming, heart pumping beauty of the genre itself. Directors like Yuen Woo-ping, Chang Cheh, Lau Kar Leung, Corey Yuen, John Woo, Tsui Hark, Tong Gai, King Hu, Sammo Hung, and everyone in between and beyond. But most of all, even beyond the mood, the fondness for the sets and the actors and the directors, the thing I love most is the fights.

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Anime Theater: Black Cat

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God, they all look like they work at a 50's gay bar...and we wouldn't have it any other way...

Imagine, if you will, the final lap of a 10 lap footrace. In front, you have the gold medalist. He’s obviously going to win, as everyone suspected from the start. And about 10 feet behind him, you have the runner up. The silver medalist, the guy who never really had a chance of winning, but by maintaining his pace he’s shown himself to be a respectable contender. No one will argue that he’s as good as the guy in first, but he’s won a few fans in the audience, and will be remembered fondly.

So they approach the finish line. The first place runner crosses with elegence and ease. The second runner up is about 5 feet from the line. He then shits his pants and falls down. Everyone sees it. His pants dirtied by the tragedy that just took place, he gets up and stumbles over the line, still the runner up. And the audience cheers apprehensively. Yeah, he still came in second, and the rest of his run was great. But holy shit, that ending. It’s kinda hard to forget that he SHAT HIS PANTS AND FELL DOWN.

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Hachi76, Prota and Suikoinfinity of The Wired Fish are Going to New York Comic Con!

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The Wired Fish: Finally the first thing to show up when you Google our Goddamn name!

Hello to all 30 The Wired Fish fans out there! This is Hachi with some good news: a few of us are going to Comic Con! Yes, your 3,897th favorite internet personalities will be attending New York Comic Con, at the Jacob Javits Center from October 14th-16th. Now, of course, we won’t be having a panel or anything (we’re not that popular…yet), but we will be wandering the Con floor. Prota and Suiko will likely be around the games most of the time, meanwhile I will be bumping around everywhere; games, anime, sales floor, you name it. Luckily, I’m also the most distinctive looking, and will be wearing my signature hat all three days.

What's sexier than a straw fedora? One with a little Hachi under it, that's what!

As for site news, me and Prota will be demoing any fun games we can find (especially Ultimate Marvel Vs. Capcom 3, Phoenix Wright all fucking day) so look out for the first installment of “Prota and Hachi do NYCC” (name subject to change to something less retarded) in the weeks after the con.

We don’t expect you to seek us out, of course, but if you happen to spot us, don’t be afraid to come over and say hi. It’ll boost our egos (and God knows, as a little hole in the wall site, we need it), we’ll probably exchange witty banter, and you can say you met a guy who writes on that one site you visited on the internet that one time! Everybody wins!

See you all there!

Kung Fu Theater: Bloodsport

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Jean Claude Van Damm: kicking Chinese people in the throat since 1988

The “American Martial Arts Flick” is certainly a unique creature. It exists as an imitation of its China-born brethren, and is typically held in far lower regard by the general fandom. However, if one were to delve into the world of these misfit animals, they would find a fanbase there just as loyal as the legions of the Hong Kong faithful. And you might even find yourself growing a certain fondness for them as well, if you give it a chance. The way I see it, the American breed can almost be seen as the “store brand cereal” of the Martial Arts world. They lack mascots, uniqueness, and generally cannot recreate the combination of taste and texture that makes “Lucky Charms” and the like so popular. But in tasting it, you understand why there are fans of it, as the cereal has it’s own unique charm.

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Nintendo Announces 3DS Peripheral, Hachi’s Eyes Gleam With Interest…

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Secret Scoop! Turn your 3DS into a food court tray! Coming soon!

Source: IGN

Being a relatively recent adopter of the 3DS (about a month now), I have become well acquainted with the system’s strengths and weaknesses. It has great graphical capabilities, fits pleasingly in the hands, has immense potential for future enjoyment (I’ve said as much in our podcasts) and genuinely feels like a “next-gen handheld”. On the other hand, it runs out of power at a moments notice, is currently bereft of many “Triple-A” games (although that is changing rapidly) and has finicky 3D that, although awesome when it works, will boil your viscous fluid inside your eyeballs if you hold it wrong. Continue reading →

Tribute to Satoshi Kon: Millenium Actress Review

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One of the greatest minds in animation history right there...

“With my heart full of gratitude for everything good in the world, I’ll put down my pen. Well, I’ll be leaving now.”

– The last words of Satoshi Kon’s final address, posthumously posted on his blog by his family.

One year ago today, on August 24th 2010, the world of Anime lost one of its truly gifted and visionary creators when Satoshi Kon, the man behind such mind-bending works of art as Paranoia Agent and Perfect Blue, passed away at 47 after a mostly private battle with pancreatic cancer. He left behind a legion of mourning fans, instructions for the completion of his final film The Dreaming Machine, and a legacy of some of the most creative, wonderful, and boundry pushing animation ever put to film.

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Anime Theater: Afro Samurai

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Why do black guys always have such big swords?

In a world torn apart by violence, greed and death, one man wanders the desolate wastes on a mission of vengeance. His swordsmanship is unmatched by any of the hundreds who have challenged him, and his name is whispered fearfully in many a den of scum and villainy. Stopping nowhere, and proceeding ever onward toward his destination, his only companions are his sword and his fast talking counterpart. He is recognized by his dark skin, his cold, piercing eyes, and by his…gigantic black afro hairstyle, with a smidgen of green, of course.

Yup, that last part sure throws a wrench into things. Welcome to the world of Afro Samurai, where the baddies are brutal, the bitches are bangin’, and blood bathes the battlefield like a lackadasical hotel waitress spraying too much bleach on your end-table. The title alone seems too ludicrous to be accepted, and for a long time I myself had turned away from the show, expecting it to pander to the lowest common denominator. But if you look past the exploitative title, and are able to stomach a veritable cavalcade of sex and violence, then you will find an orgy of cool fights, cooler characters, great production values, and yes, even the occassional bit of depth.

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Catherine Sells 200,000 Copies in its First Week, Hachi Calls Doctor to Aid in Removing Jaw From Floor

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Ah, I would do everything to you...

Source: Anime News Network

In an announcement that I found quite shocking, Atlus recently revealed by way of Twitter that seemingly niche Puzzler Catherine had managed to sell 200,00 copies in its first week on shelves. I found myself quite surprised by this, as I fully expected the game to fade into the background due to its…unusual nature.

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Anime Theater: Heat Guy J

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Believe it or not, most of these people are male. And one of them is an android! I know, crazy, right?

We are all familiar with the concept of the “Buddy Cop Show”. Typically, a young buck of a detective, usually with potential yet-unfulfilled is partnered with a gruff veteran whose patience and experience serve to keep the young’n in check, and eventually make him better at his job. Over time, the youngster will come to look up to the veteran as a symbol of what he wants to be, and may even adopt him as a father figure. As for the vet, he’s probably weary from all his years of service, but his time with his partner will re-ignite the spark of passion he once had for his job, and both will eventually part as equals.

The reason I start this review with this description is because Heat Guy J is, essentially, a “B.C.S.”, with alot of the tropes associated with said genre. Oh, except the vet is a tall, trenchcoated android and the whole thing takes place in a futuristic city. Despite the cynicism oozing from the above paragraph, Heat Guy J stands as a sterling example of how a combination of good writing, high production values, and well-developed and likeable characters can make even the most stale premise great.

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Kung Fu Theater: Opium and the Kung Fu Master

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Kung Fu will change your life! Side effects may include yelling, punching things, justice, punching things, a tendency towards monologuing, and punching things. Ask your doctor is Kung Fu is right for you.

God, that’s a silly title isn’t it? It sounds like the single greatest buddy cop show ever: “Veteran detective Craig “The Kung Fu Master” Kavorsky teams up with hot young cop Andre “Opium” Andorhal, and together, they solve the cases no one else can” *cue Isaac Hayes-style opening theme* Then again, the title it was known by upon arrival in the U.S. back in the day, “Lightning Fists of Shaolin”, isn’t much more dignified.

Nah, but great title aside, “Opium and the Kung Fu Master” is a shockingly dark, well made film from the twilight years of Shaw Bros. Studios, and shows that, even if it is corny, a Kung Fu film can deliver a good story alongside its kick-ass fights. Starring several all-time greats at the top of their game, including legendary leading man Ti Lung and future Gallants star Chen Kuan-tai (who I wish so hard played a character named “Opium”), and featuring immensely satisfying fight scenes choreographed by six (yes, SIX) fight directors, O.A.T.K.F.M. (I am not typing that whole thing again) is a worthy send off for Shaw and an amazing film in its own right.

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Gamer Review: Bujingai: The Forsaken City

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Wow, Asia finally made a game set in Detroit!

Going back through my years as a gamer, I realize how much things have changed. Not in the industry, but in my own approach to the acquiring of them. Nowadays, like many, I can’t simply go out and buy any game that looks cool. It needs to have good scores, and enthralling gameplay videos, and all that good publicity stuff. Granted, I am not quite a slave to such things; I frequently take chances on lesser known gems and will ignore scores for certain games (*coughDynastyWarriorscough*), but the days where I would prowl the aisles at game stores and simply grab whatever caught my eye are long gone.

Rewind to 2005, when this habit was still very much alive, and was alternately screwing me or paying off gloriously. The time itself bears noting, as 2002-2005 was kind of a golden age for smaller, more oddball games coming to us, both in our country and from foreign shores. Some, like acid-trip classic Katamari Damacy, hooked their claws into gamers of all kens and became a known fixture. And then there are others that didn’t quite make it, like the subject of today’s review, Bujingai: The Forsaken City, an excellent example of the best (interesting gameplay, unique appeal) and worst (immensely flawed mechanics, sad excuse for a plot) of this age of legends.

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Parent Freaks Out Over “Portal 2” Joke, Hachi Further Loses Faith in People

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Source: 1up.com: http://www.1up.com/news/portal-2-adoption-jokes-controversial

WARNING: SPOILERS FOR PORTAL 2 AWAIT!

One would like to think that over time, the “plebs” would become more comfortable with the concept of video games as more than just blippy “shoot this, blow up that, save the princess” affairs, and have in fact come to realize that they are viable forms of entertainment for older audiences. Games nowadays have wonderful, intricate gameplay systems and are filled with complex, fascinating characters and riveting storylines to match the best Holywood or literature has to offer. Not all games are like this, mind you, but that’s the same for all forms of media. For instance, try to tell me that all books have wonderful storylines or fully justified existences, and I’ll direct you to any number of teenage-skewed dreck or faux “informational” books that clog our bookshelves like plaque in the arteries of the worlds collective intelligence.

Now I can make that herpes and heroin burger I've always wanted! Thanks, Morbid Chef!

However, no matter how far we seem to go, we always end up with alarmist morons who want to raise a big deal because a game engages in something other than “wholesome, family entertainment”. This incident is relatively minor, but is so symptomatic of the mental Dark Ages that people lock themselves in that I can’t help but get annoyed. The issues with this situation are manifold, so let’s start from the top.

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